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Be Unreasonable!

by Scott Noelle, posted on 2006-06-08

When parenting becomes stressful, notice what you're thinking. You'll discover that you have a "good reason" for your stress:

  • I'm worried because ___________.
  • I'm angry because ___________.
  • I feel guilty because ___________.

When you have a good reason to be stressed, the fastest way to release the stress is to let yourself be UNreasonable.

Why? Because it's more important to feel good than to be "right."

Why? Because good feelings are your Emotional Guidance telling you you're aligning with your Authentic Self.

So being unreasonable is actually quite reasonable! :)

Does this mean ignoring things that need attention? Not at all. It just means you've realized that there is no reason good enough to justify sacrificing your peace.

Your connection to Well-Being is always more important.

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An Unreasonable Example

Posted by Scott Noelle on 2006-06-13 8:12pm

A mother of a 3-month-old baby wrote to me asking for an example of how being UNreasonable could release the stress related to her baby's frequent, inconsolable crying/screaming.

I'll provide an example, but keep in mind that this isn't the best situation in which to begin practicing the art of transcending reason. Why? Because there is another powerful factor at play: instincts.

Parents (especially mothers) have an instinctive reaction to an infant's cries, an inner urge to relieve the baby's discomfort somehow. When the parent is unable to console the child, the child's cries may intensify, thus intensifying the parent's instinctive reaction. It's a vicious cycle... but it doesn't have to be.

Part of that cycle is the parent's thoughts about the crying. By being selectively "unreasonable," she can focus on thoughts that soothe her instinctive discomfort and help rather than hinder her return well-being, which in turn will support her baby's return to well-being.

For example, she may be thinking, "Something is wrong with my child... This shouldn't be happening... I'm doing something wrong... I'm failing as a mother..." etc. These are all "reasonable" conclusions, but they only add to her instinctive discomfort and make her feel worse.

This situation calls for more than simply letting go of those "reasonable" thoughts. She will need to deliberately make up some "unreasonable reasons" to feel better:

  • He always finds his way back to peace eventually.
  • Even though he's not at peace yet, he has what matters the most: the comforting arms and presence of someone who loves him unconditionally.
  • If there is a better way to deal with this, I'm more likely to think of it if I'm centered and connected myself.
  • He can feel my energy, so by connecting to the energy of Well-Being, I am helping him do the same.

The way to find these soothing thoughts initially is by trial and error. Just reach for any alternative perspective, release the ones that feel worse, and keep the ones that feel better or bring you some relief. Even a slight improvement is good; your energy will shift gradually until you feel confident that All Is Well.