The Daily Groove
Beyond Right and Wrong
by Scott Noelle, posted on 2006-05-31
Children are born knowing that feeling good is more important than being "right." They know their emotions are their Inner Guidance, and they trust it.
So why do they sometimes rebel and seem to care more about being right? One possibility is that you may be telling them something that contradicts their Inner Guidance.
For example, if you say "It's time to go," while their Inner Guidance tells them to stay, they know you are talking crazy talk!
If you say "You shouldn't touch that," while their instinct is to explore, one of you is lying... and it's not them!
You can end conflict and transcend right/wrong thinking by tuning in to your Inner Guidance. Give it some time... The heart is slower than the head, but it's wiser, too.
If you go deep enough, you'll find the place where your Guidance and their Guidance overlap — the common ground where everyday miracles are born.
Confused
I'm so confused about this topic when it comes to safety issues. How do you encourage them to 'not do' something that is potentially dangerous to them? Such as: running towards/into the street; touching the stove; reaching for things in a pool; climbing out a 2-story window and onto the roof...!
I do trust and belief that my Inner Guidance has answers for me/us, but the above examples are all real - and I feel as though I can't wait for my heart to catch up with my toddlers actions!
Re: Confused
Your confusion began when you were your child's age and your parents, teachers, and other well-meaning people taught you that Inner Guidance is untrustworthy. So naturally you won't have faith in your child's Inner Guidance, either. And since you've probably over-relied on external guidance (as most of us do) since before your child was born, that mistrust is somewhat justified. In other words, when you and your child are disconnected from Inner Guidance for a long time, you become dependent on external guidance.
So, you need to give yourself some time to re-familiarize yourself with Inner Guidance, and then you'll know when you can trust your child to follow his or her own Guidance and when you can "trust your mistrust," so to speak. Meantime, err on the side of safety and use mildly unsafe situations (where the worst that could happen is minor "owwies") to practice expanding your trust.
And when you do override your child's impulses, be as centered and matter-of-fact as you can be, rather than getting all excited about the danger and amplifying your fear. That's the kind of interaction that confuses children, because after a while they can't tell the difference between their natural fears (Inner Guidance) and the fears put on them by others (external guidance that they've internalized).
Many of my Daily Groove writings are about different ways to connect with Inner Guidance more clearly, so there's a lot for you to explore here.