The Daily Groove


Be Self/Centered

If your child is whining for something you'd rather not give, you might notice a knot in your stomach. That means you're NOT centered. ("Knot-centered"?:)

Anything you say or do while you're off center is likely to make things worse. Better to get centered first. Take a deep breath and tell yourself...

"I will take no action until I feel centered."

You may find that no other action is needed, because children want centered parents more than the things they whine for.

breathing vs. "I statements"

I have a tendency to state how I feel in a direct way. When my children whine and I am not feeling centered I have heard myself say, "No one wants to hear whining. Please use your regular voice." Or I will simply model what they are whining for; I'll say in a calm voice, "May I have a glass of water?".

Today, when I heard my 3 yr old dd whining, I took a breath, smiled and got right down to her level and looked her in the eyes. My calm, joyful, nonjudgmental centeredness was contagious! She started to smile and hugged me so tight and joy spread all over her beautiful shining being. Yum!

Grateful with my family in bliss, discovery and in love!

Less is more

It sounds like you are relatively centered when you make your "I statements," so they may be effective. But you've figured out that less is more: less words and more "positive vibing" — more Presence — dissolves the problem instead of solving it. You're applying your "heart smarts"!

Re: Be Self/Centered

"knot centered" Hahaha! LOL! Thank you, this is so helpful - and it made my husband think twice this morning before letting irritation rise when the little one wanted to put her slippers again to go play in the snow...

All best!

Re: Be Self/Centered

I love Scott's word plays too :) Knot-centered is another good one! :)

Shonna
in Canada with ds95/dd97/dd98/dd02/dd02

Re: Be Self/Centered

I just read it today this daily groove and it really resonated with me. It made me cry.

My daughter is 3 1/2 years old and I am breastfeeding her. I really believe it is her milestone to wean herself. And I am so happy to nurse her, our connection and see those big eyes so peaceful. It is amazing.

On the other hand, breastfeeding does not make things easier to be fertile... I really would love to have another child. Due to other reasons, I am going to a fertility clinic. Anyways, since I started the fertility treatment, I have been struggling with breastfeeding during the night. It is not the same for me as it used to be during the night! I am fine and happy when she nurses b4 going to bed, when she wakes up or if she needs it during the day during difficult situations... but in the middle of the night I get irritated. My heart gets completely broken because I do no know why I am feeling like that during the night... I know I am completely off center on this issue.

A couple of weeks ago, she was nursing at night and I was so irritated and not knowing what to do. I could not stand it. So, I tried as gentle as I could to ask her not to nurse... She started crying, my DH started saying she had the right to feel that way and it was not because of me and I started to cry... I yelled to my husband saying if he knows everything to tell me what to do because I was lost and then went to the basement and cried for 2 hours non stopping.

Thank you for the daily groove today. It may help me on this journey of becoming a more self-centered person.

Re: Be Self/Centered

Aquarela,

Hugs! Hugs! And more hugs!

I also wondered if you have been following the various threads on the PATH forums about this very topic? I almost missed reading your post because it is posted on the public Daily Groove part of the website rather than the PATH participants part. Just wanted to offer my thoughts and send loads of love and tell you that you aren't alone.

You can find your center and you can be supported during your feelings of being lost. On the journey with you. <3

Re: Be Self/Centered

Hi,

You see how lost I am... I posted on the "wrong" place!!;)

Gracefullife, thank you for your hugs and support! :) Really sweet. Thank you for clarifying about the public Daily Groove part vs. the Path Participants part.

Re: Be Self/Centered

Aquarela,
I'm just glad I found your comment by chance. This is a near and dear topic for me so I am glad you posted no matter where it was. ;)
Krista