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Be Self/Centered

by Scott Noelle, posted on 2006-05-16

If your child is whining for something you'd rather not give, you might notice a knot in your stomach. That means you're NOT centered. ("Knot-centered"?:)

Anything you say or do while you're off center is likely to make things worse. Better to get centered first. Take a deep breath and tell yourself...

"I will take no action until I feel centered."

You may find that no other action is needed, because children want centered parents more than the things they whine for.

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breathing vs. "I statements"

Posted by Grateful Mama on 2006-10-14 10:43pm

I have a tendency to state how I feel in a direct way. When my children whine and I am not feeling centered I have heard myself say, "No one wants to hear whining. Please use your regular voice." Or I will simply model what they are whining for; I'll say in a calm voice, "May I have a glass of water?".

Today, when I heard my 3 yr old dd whining, I took a breath, smiled and got right down to her level and looked her in the eyes. My calm, joyful, nonjudgmental centeredness was contagious! She started to smile and hugged me so tight and joy spread all over her beautiful shining being. Yum!

Grateful with my family in bliss, discovery and in love!

Less is more

Posted by Scott Noelle on 2006-10-15 11:16am
It sounds like you are relatively centered when you make your "I statements," so they may be effective. But you've figured out that less is more: less words and more "positive vibing" — more Presence — dissolves the problem instead of solving it. You're applying your "heart smarts"!