The Daily Groove


Beyond Justification

Our conflict-oriented culture teaches us that our desires are more valid if they're "justified," which means being on the "right" side of a conflict.

So a good way to begin transforming conflict situations is to affirm to yourself that your desires are valid "just because" — that you don't need to justify your desires. You don't need to be somehow disadvantaged to justify your desire for help keeping your home tidy, and you don't need obedient kids to justify your parenting philosophy.

When you validate your own desires unconditionally, you no longer need to be "right," and that alone dissolves many conflicts. You also no longer need the drama of conflict to keep boredom at bay, because when you're not busy being "right" you get to apply your creative energy to actually satisfying your desires, which is both exciting and fulfilling!

In total agreement

I love today's message. I can think of several examples from my own life where I had to keep my focus on what I thought was important, rather than society's popular opinion.

One was my VBAC, I even had people tell me that my feelings were "irrelevant." That all that mattered was a safe delivery. They failed to recognize that the birth was a wonderfully healthy, safe delivery.

The second that often gets me is the views on sleep training, and that babies who sleep through the night are "good babies" and those who do not are less than desirable. Saddens me that people evaluate goodness on a developmental skill of the child.

Perhaps I do need to work on an aspect though. Though I do initiate conversation on either of those topics, when it does come up or I am asked to explain my views, I do state my opinions, tactfully and clearly. Perhaps though, that keeps me too caught up in the conflict... Something to think about, finding a balance in stating my opinion when asked, and simply stirring the pot.

Re: Beyond Justification

Justifying ourselves is something we all do, its just who you justify it to that causes the issues, as most people only feel justified when another person agrees with them. They lack confidence in themselves.

So like you said, its best to validate yourself based on your knowledge, but be open to other ideas as well. I have conceded a few times, its all learning.

Thanks
Adam
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