The Daily Groove


No Consequences

In our culture, everyone is trained to ignore their Emotional Guidance and replace it with arbitrary rules of "right" and "wrong." Here's a thought game you can play to reconnect with your Guidance in parenting situations...

When you're not sure how to respond to a particular behavior of your child — when your mind is flooded with thoughts of what "they" say you "should" do — ask yourself this:

"What would I feel like doing if I knew there could be no negative consequences?"

In other words, pretend you have the magical power to guarantee that (a) nothing bad will happen to anyone and (b) no one will disapprove of your actions. You're completely free to do what most pleases YOU.

You may be surprised by what you discover when you allow yourself to be guided entirely from within.

Of course there are consequences to every action. The purpose of this game is not to ignore them forever, just long enough to connect with your authentic Inner Guidance.

Re: No Consequences

I hate to say it but a good smack in the face comes to mind. If I knew there were no negative consequences for my son, that's what I would feel like doing sometimes, like earlier this evening when we were eating and he put Sanders on the table ...I said they don't belong on the table, they are dirty, Steven off the table please (younger son was on my lap pouring hot soup all over me) (life sure is easier when at least 1 cooperates). Then I get up and get them and he throws them even further under the table I guess to spite me and make me. Struggle even more. So annoying. I said to myself "ill go over this later n think how it could have we.t differently, then I read this. And that's what comes to mind..."i said, off the table (smack)". Ofcourse as an aspiring leading edge parent I am looking for an "everybody wins" way, but that is my little dark fantasy that came to mind.
Stephanie at the Jrsey Sh \ baby boys born 02/02/11 and 5/21/12

Re: No Consequences

Stephanie at the Jersey Shore, US \ baby boys born 02/02/11 and 5/21/12

ok. I could have first prepared myself saying "self, your hands are full at the moment and the dirty Sanders are already touched. So give it a shot and if my wonderful son is not ready to cooperate that means he's not ready and oh well, just keep slurping this wonderful canned soup because I'm Hungary." Then I say "Son, those Sanders are dirty, it would be good if they stayed on the floor away from where we eat." Then if he didn't listen ...oh well, the permissive police aren't looking. Damage is already done and its not a big deal.
Yet I would still like to dream up a way I could still feel cool when my now 3 year old does throw something I need to take from him. I know, I can say "thats right, you better throw it!". Or to keep it feeling like we r on the same side "oh good, you threw it". But without praising, just describing " you threw the cats food behind the refridgerater."

Re: No Consequences

Stephanie at the Jersey Shore, US \ baby boys born 02/02/11 and 5/21/12

After further reflection I am realizing that instead of seeing my son throwing the object I want from him further away as him trying to make me struggle out of spite, I see it as him being playful. My son truly is wonderfully playful. :)

Re: No Consequences

Stephanie at the Jersey Shore, US \ baby boys born 02/02/11 and 5/21/12

Sometimes its about playing and at times It's more about protecting himself from having something grabbed from his hands. Baring that in mind I can grab as rarely as possible and not take it so personally when I must grab and he does throw. I can even let him know at those times "i can understand why you would throw the oven cleaner. Here you were holding it and I come and try to get itBut it's a poisonous chemical and I need to protect you."
Side note: I babyproof as much as I can. My baby is super curious and an exclent climber/ furniture stacker upper and he s fast!

Ps. This has been a great conversation w myself. I hope its helpful to someone else as well. Disregard these next words due to technical malfunction; rab as little