The Daily Groove

Creator, or Reactor?

An understanding of power is needed to become an effective human being. So children are instinctively driven to discover the nature of power, and they look to their parents for clues.

Our children especially notice our reactions. When we react to something, that thing appears to have power.

Whether you react positively (like when someone gives you flowers) or negatively (like when you see a big spider in your house), you are teaching your child that those things are powerful.

  • When you worry about a possession, you give it power.
  • When you are offended by certain words, you give them power.
  • When you react to something in the news, you give it power.
  • When you react to your child's behavior, you give it power.

Today, notice your reactions and consider what they might be teaching your child about power.

By being creative rather than reactive, you demonstrate that Authentic Power comes from within.

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Demonstrating Authentic Power

Someone wrote to me asking how to demonstrate Authentic Power...

It's difficult to put into words because demonstrating Authentic Power is a subtle thing. On the surface it just looks like "not reacting," but underneath that non-reaction some powerful creating is occurring.

Suppose your child screams "I hate you!" Most parents would have a strong negative reaction to that, sending the message that those words have the power to knock them off their Center.

You can create a new, more self-empowering experience of those words by consciously choosing new thoughts about them. But choosing your thoughts feels weird at first, and you won't be willing to do it until (a) you really get that your thoughts or interpretations determine how you feel rather than the conditions you're interpreting, and (b) you decide once and for all that you'd rather feel good than be "right."

When you think thoughts like, "My child shouldn't say that... Those are hurtful words...," etc., you may be "right" (by conventional standards), but you won't feel good. On the contrary, such thoughts distract you from your connection to Well-Being.

When you're fully connected, you know that All Is Well no matter what anyone says or does. If your priority were to maintain that Connection instead of maintaining "rightness," you'd immediately abandon those thoughts and reach for thoughts that felt better, like...

  • This is not about me.
  • She's repeating words she's heard others use; it doesn't mean she's a hateful person.
  • I appreciate my child's expressiveness.
  • I know that All Is Well, and I trust she is finding her Center, too.

These are the kinds of things you can say to yourself (silently) while you're "not reacting." It helps establish in you a quality of Presence which is your Authentic Power. It also creates a "safe space" in which your child can find her own Center more easily.

See also: What Is Unconditionality?