The Daily Groove


"I Feel Like Screaming!"

As you embrace the idea of honoring your emotions as Inner Guidance, you may wonder, "But what about when I'm so frustrated that I feel like screaming at my child?"

First, understand that your Emotional Guidance is meant to guide your thoughts, not your actions directly. As your thinking comes into alignment with your Authentic Self, you'll be inspired to better actions. Negative emotions are cues to go within and get centered before you act.

Second, realize that when you're angry at your child, it's only because you've been culturally conditioned to believe that if you feel bad, someone must be to blame. And it feels better to blame someone else than to blame yourself.

The key to moving beyond blame is to allow the blameful thoughts, but take no action against the "blamee". Take only the "inner action" of reaching for better-feeling thoughts.

If you can't stop yourself, try deep breathing, taking a walk, or screaming into a pillow — anything to redirect the energy harmlessly.

I feel like screaming too!

The few times I've felt like screaming due to a tense situation with my kids, it's been because I want to scream at my self for thinking the situation *should* be a different way. When I stop "shoulding" on us, everything harmonizes--almost instantaneously. (:

Other times, the kids are screaming, or at least moaning, in kind of a dull protest. Sometimes I feel like carrying on right along with them. Not at them, but with them! It feels good, and we all usually get a great chuckle from all of us carrying on in this way.

So I've found that screaming isn't harmful in and of itself, but it's the feeling behind it and what it is directed at that is important to be aware of when you want to let loose. Authentic Inner Guidance is great for feeling out those situations, and it only takes a second once I remember to do it (which is usually the trickiest part).

Re: "I Feel Like Screaming!"

What if you're still feeling angry - even after deep breathing, taking a walk, etc. or if you're in a place where you can't separate yourself from the situation? How do you get to a place of being able to reach for better feeling thoughts when there is screaming & whining in your ear & traffic all around? For example, the car seems to be a trigger for myself & my kids - whining, throwing things, etc. and I can only referee from the front so much, because I'm driving & have to focus on the road, and I like to let them work out their own difficulties more than reffing anyway, but sometimes it gets to be too much. How to curtail the escalation of irritation before it results in yelling "JUST BE QUIET!!" - which only results in hurt feelings & not always even in a quiet environment. Even if it DOES result in quiet, it does so in a negative way, not because being quiet & looking out the window is the desired activity, but because its the forced activity. I want them to enjoy the peacefulness of a carride - listening to good music, looking at the scenery, etc. Thanks for your help. I am always working on methods of communication that DON'T include screaming/yelling (this was my parents way of communicating, and I'm trying to move away from that), but find certain situations particularly challenging in this way!

Re: "I Feel Like Screaming!"

kbloggger - I suggest you avoid situations known to trigger yelling until you have a clear prevention strategy in place. The best strategy I know is connecting with your inner freedom, because most anger stems from feeling "painted into a corner," i.e., feeling like you have no choice but to do certain things, tolerate unwanted conditions, etc. Connecting with inner freedom is a topic we explore in depth in the PATH Program.

In your situation, I would not set foot in the car until I felt free to pull over and get out of the car, should the car interior become overstimulating. Being in a car feels like being in a cage if you forget that you have a choice to stop and get out at any time. You are also free to get to your destination later than planned. You have a choice!

They say, "It's a free country!" But freedom is a state of mind more than anything else. Make a decision that you will not begin any course of action until you've reminded yourself that you're free to change course at any point, and then exercise your freedom! I guarantee this will reduce the intensity of your angry outbursts if it doesn't prevent them altogether.